Episode 17: Heaux Thoughts

Two Cents Plus Tax

Episode Seventeen: “Heaux Thoughts”


Transcript has been lightly edited for readability.

(theme song plays)

K: I’m Krystal.

C: I’m Caitlin.

K: And this is …

K & C: Two Cents Plus Tax!

C: Welcome back!

K: Welcome back. Every time you say that I al[ways]—automatically think of the Welcome Back, Kotter theme song. It just starts playing in my brain. (laughs) 

C: Mm-hmm. Yeah. That was a really good theme song!

K: It’s like the theme song for a Chili’s commercial now. Or Applebee’s? One of those like—

C: (vocalizing) Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!

K: Yeah, cuz they’re like, oh, we’re welcoming, you know, customers back into our stores or restaurants or whatever.

C: Post-COVID? Yeah.

K: Yeah. And I’m just like, I guess.

C: (laughs) 

K: But maybe that’s also not a good idea to do that!

C: It’s not! It’s not a good idea.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: But anyway, welcome back. Thanks for joining us. I am of course Cat-lin. We got your girl Kevin

K: (laughs) 

C: And Gergory up in here! We’re all up in this place.

K: Gergory, yeah. The people you know and love, with our actual names. Yeah. Definitely.

C: How are you, Kev?

K: I’m okay. I was feeling kind of gross yesterday—

C: Oh.

K: —so I was like, oh no, I hope I’m not … well, I knew I was coming down with something. But I think I … I think I knocked it out, which I’m really happy about, so … 

C: Good!

K: Yeah. How bout you?

C: I am doing fine. Much better, I think moodwise, than last week, when I was a little cranky, but—

K: It didn’t come—it didn’t come across. So I’ll say that.

C: You know why? Because this improves my mood.

K: Okay! 

C: Yeah. Genuinely.

K: Well, then I’m happy! I’m happy, then. (laughs) 

C: Yeah! And for the fans … so this project partly was due to mental health reasons and, you know, it did grow out of COVID and isolation and wanting to have a community, and, you know, have a fun project where we get to talk and chat and hang out, and it really does help my mood hangin with y’all, so.

K: I’m glad! I’m really happy to have provided that. And definitely for me, you know, as somebody who lives alone and has been bored during the pandemic at various times, it is nice to have like this thing that adds structure to your week.

C: Yeah.

K: Aside from work, which like, who cares about that? (laughs) You know? Like I’m—

C: Mm-hmm!

K: —I could not work, and it’s still gonna be something to do, so that’s ideal. (laughs) 

C: Yeah. A little—a little routine.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: So Toshio, how has our podcast improved your life?

K: (laughs) We’re all giving our testimonials, so—

C: Yes.

Toshio: Well, I am being held to account with my energy drink—

K & C: (laugh) 

K: We weren’t gonna mention it on air, but I mean, you brought it up, so (laughs) … 

C Well, okay so it’s called Rise. Correct? I’ve never—I’ve never had never seen this until about ten seconds ago. So it’s called Rise and it’s Mountain Dew, you said?

K: Yep. Mountain Dew Rise Energy is what it’s called.

T: I like to try the new ones are out there.

C: You are known for your beverages.

T: Yeah, no—

C: And that’s legit. He is known for his beverages. 

K: (laughs) Everyone knows Toshio for his drinks, for his variety of beverages. 

T: (laughs) I like to double-fist, it’s true.

K & C: (laugh)

T: But usually, yeah, my du jour is Guarana Antarctica

K: Mm.

T: —which is the … I don’t know. People online have dubbed it the Coca-Cola of Brazil. 

C: Oh!

K: Mm. 

C: Is it?

K: I’m a Coke person, so I should definitely try this.

T: It is … I mean, it doesn’t taste like Coke at all—

K: It’s not a cola, right? Does it taste like whatever guarana is? Cuz I remember that was—

C: What is guarana?

K: It was in a lot of like energy drinks a couple years—a decade ago or so. It was very popular.

T: Yeah, get with it!

K: (laughs) 

C: I—you know—

T: (laughs) 

K: Get with it! Get with it from ten years ago.

C: I’m sorry. I’m sorry; I’m out of the loop.

K: (laughs) 

C: Is it a fruit? I’m assuming?

K: I think so.

T: Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. It’s a berry. 

K: Mm-hmm.

T: And it is native to the Amazonian region.

C: So is that why the rainforests are disappearing?

T: Um …

K: (laughing) Yeah, people harvesting guarana.

T: Perhaps, but … no, I don’t think so, actually. I think that … well … I don’t know if I trust Ambev to be stewarding the forest all that well. So … yeah. No, the Amazon’s burning—

K: (laughs) 

C: Mm-hmm.

T: —and it’s because of my intake of guarana. 

K: I’m glad we got there.

T: Sorry bout that!

K: I’m glad we got from—

C: Yeah. It’s all Toshio’s fault.

T: (laughs) 

K: Very funny to me. (laughs)

C: So today we’re gonna be talking about something that you dislike. Right?

K: Yes. Very much so. Mm-hmm.

C: So we’re gonna be talking about summer. 

K: Yeah. We’re in it! We’re like deep, deep in it.

C: We are in it! We are in mid-summer. 

K: Mm-hmm.

C: We’re gonna build a pyre and—

K: No! We’re not—

C: —throw some ex-boyfriends on there.

K: I mean, we can do that part. But everything else, no. 

C: I say let’s go for it.

K: Yeah. (laughs) 

C: Why not?

K: Yeah, have you seen that? Did you ever see Midsommar?

C: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I saw it. I think we talked about—

K: Oh, you watched it?

C: Oh yeah!

K: Yeah. Okay, yeah.

C: I enjoyed it … ugh, I mean, that’s a weird way to say that. 

K: (laughs) 

C: But I mean, that was a movie where it stuck with me for days after, where I was like—

K: Mm.

C: —thinking back like, this is so disturbing.

K: Mm.

C: But I did like—so I like to go into things … ugh, what’s a word? You know you always say like—the disability words, we don’t wanna do that

K: Yeah, you wanna go in not knowing.

C: Not knowing. Correct. So I didn’t know Chidi

K: Oh you didn’t? (laughs) 

C: —from The Good Place is in there—

K: That’s so funny.

C: —so I was like … Chidi’s here?!

K: Mm-hmm.

C: It was totally, totally surprising to me. But yeah. I have seen Midsommar.

K: Mm. Yeah, I won’t. 

C: (laughs) 

K: I—whenever it’s a movie like that, that’s scary or just like, you know, [a] horror, gory kinda thing—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —I’ll just be like, okay, you guys, gimme the high-level opinions and then I’ll just go read the Wikipedia plot summary—

C: (laughs) 

K: —cuz that’s what I can handle! Like I can’t take seeing it onscreen, but if I’m reading it, I’m like okay, I don’t—can just skip past the parts that are creepy, and (laughs) you know, it’s not—I don’t have to have those images in my mind.

C: Yeah. 

K: So yeah, that’s usually what I’ve done—for every like horror—Hereditary; Midsommar; the one that just came out recently, St. Maud? Is that what it’s called? Like some … I just—

C: Oh, I don’t know that. Of course.

K: Yeah, it’s about a woman who has these religious kind of hallucinations and she thinks that she has to like save people because you know, everyone’s gonna go to hell or whatever. So yeah. It’s—

C: Who’s in that?

K: It’s—I think it’s not really anyone big.

C: Oh.

K: I think it’s like European people and there’s like one actress in it that we might know. I can’t remember who she is, but yeah it’s like any time there’s any kinda scary movie, I’m like, I will read about it online. (laughs) 

C: Mm-hmm.

K: I will not be seeing it. I can’t—I don’t know. I just can’t do the scary movies.

C: Ooh. I can and will, and— 

K: Mm-hmm.

C: —yesterday I was like, are we ever gonna get to see the new Candyman movie?

K: Oh yeah, cuz Yahya Abdul-Mateen is in that!

C: Ahhhh. Oh my god, he’s—

K: I’m interested in whatever he’s doing.

C: He’s so good! Okay, he’s so good. 

K: Mm-hmm.

C: Obviously he’s like extremely attractive.

K: Very.

C: But—

K: Also from Oakland. Shoutout to—

C: Shoutout Oakland!

K: Mm-hmm.

C: Also directed by a Black woman

K: Yup. 

C: I really wanna see Candyman, and they keep pushin it back, keep pushing it back. Just please put it online! Let me watch Candyman. Oh!

K: Well, I kind of get it, though—

C: Toshio says release date, August 27th!

K: Okay.

C: But I’m still not—I can’t go into a theater. I’m too scared to go into a theater, so—

K: Yeah. I kind of think they kinda missed the window, because there was that—I think Zola kind of hit it perfectly, right?

C: Yeah.

K: Where it was like, there was the window where, okay, restrictions were being lifted, and things were kind of getting better, and it was before the Delta variant was kinda surging.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: So there’s that window of all those movies that have come out in this little period that are probably gonna do okay because, you know, people aren’t (laughs) scared to leave their homes anymore, but now that like restrictions are being reimposed again and stuff, I feel like all the movies that were kind of like, ooh, we can breathe a sigh of relief—they’re probably like, oh no! Did we miss the boat because now things are bad again? So hopefully in August, by that time in August it’ll be still … you’ll still be able to go see it, but yeah. I don’t know what they’re gonna do. They might as well just throw it up online if like (laughing) theaters close again and stuff. But that movie … every time I think of Candyman, the remake, I think of the original Candyman, which scared the crap out of me as a kid.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: It was on cable all the time, and I remember one time, my cousins and I were at my grandma’s house and we watched it, and I was like, (laughs) nope. 

C: (laughs) 

K: I was like, no no. Never, ever again. And every time I saw that actor in anything else, I was like, ahh, this is terrifying—

C: (laughs) Yeah.

K: —even if it was not even a dra[ma]—it was just a regular drama or something. I’d be like, no, that guy, his face, I can’t! But—

C: Toshio—oh, I’m so sorry. 

K: Yeah, no. Go ahead!

C: Toshio said there was a candyman game. What is the candyman game, Tosh? I’ve never … 

K: Oh, you know how you go in the bathroom and you say like, candyman, candyman, candyman—

C: Oh, candyman! (laughs) I was thinking like a board game!

K: —kinda like Bloody Mary. Yeah. It’s—no, just the thing you do to scare yourself when you’re a kid.

C: Oh I probably did. I mean—

K: I think everyone did. But yeah, if you’re like me, you have older cousins, or just a lot of cousins, and you’re in there, you’re in the bathroom and you’re doing that with them, and then they scare you. They like, “Boo!” You know, “Boo!” And they, you know, try to make you scared. So that’s basically what it’s for. It’s not for anything like—(laughs) nothing’s gonna happen. It’s just so someone else who’s with you can scare you.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: But yeah. Nothing happened. But I still don’t—I will not be seeing the movie. I wish Yahya Abdul-Mateen the best, but—

C: Yes.

K: —I am not going to be seeing Candyman.

C: I will, and then I will report to you.

K: Yeah, tell me how hot he looks in it. That’s—

C: I mean, we know. (laughs) 

K: (laughs) We know, exactly. We’re aware of how hot he can look.

C: Yeah. 

K: Ooh! He’s so good in everything.

C: Speaking of hot …

K: Oh yeah! Look at that!

C: You know what’s hot? Summertime.

K: Look at that. Great segue. I did it without even realizing.

C: You’re good at that! 

K: I’m (laughs) … yeah. I’m good at not understanding when I’ve found a good segue? Yeah. But yeah, summer. I mean … it’s so funny when you live here in the Bay Area, because there really isn’t … like no one goes up for summer the way they do in other places, just because like … summer is not actually (laughing) really like summer here.

C: Yeah.

K: It’s basically just kinda spring-ish like all summer long and then we get this very short window in late September, early October where we have like an Indian summer—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —they call it, where it’s really warm, but it’s not summer anymore. We have that for like a couple of weeks in the early fall.

C: Yeah.

K: But most of the time, summer here is like seventy degrees. (laughs) 

C: Yeah.

K: Which I like. That’s my ideal, because I come from Central California, where summer is like … hundred and whatever, and I just—I can’t survive in those temperatures. 

C: No. Well as Tosh said, fires might heat things up, and that is true.

K: Yeah. I’m kind of actually surprised that—I mean, there are a couple that are burning, but I’m surprised it hasn’t been as bad as it was last year at this time.

C: Give it time.

K: I know. I’m like, now that I said that out loud, I’m like, what’s gonna happen this week and month?

C: Oh my god. Yeah. But just remember, everything’s gonna be fine.

K: Yeah. Everything is gonna be fine. (laughs) That’s our new mantra.

C: (laughs) That is our man[tra] … that’s our motto. We are lying to you.

K: Yeah. Definitely—

C: But everything’s gonna be fine. 

K: —but we encourage you to lie to yourselves so you can, you know. Survive.

C: (laughing) Right. So you8 can continue to live. 

K: Exactly.

C: We’re just gonna tell you that everything’s gonna be fine.

K: Mm-hmm. But yeah.

C: We wish the best for you.

K: Summer. I don’t know, man. I’ve never been a huge fan of it, especially, like I said, coming from where I come from. I think that’s partially not that fair, cuz you know, summer’s not super hot everywhere, obviously, but yeah, it’s just never been my … it’s never been my season.

C: Yeah. I always have like a good feeling about it, but then—

K: (laughs) 

C: —I don’t think I’ve ever had a really good summer. I’m always hopeful that I will—

K: You know what, I was gonna ask.

C: —and then I’m like, nah, it’s not happening. Never.

K: I was gonna ask, cuz I feel like I have a couple of summers—

C: Mm.

K: —that I sort of think back on as like, oh that was a really fun time. But yeah, if you don’t have any, that’s kind of interesting. 

C: Yeah, I don’t feel like I do. I just like it cuz I can go outside and it’s warm. For me. Which always means it’s too hot for everyone else. But I like that. But probably my favorite season is fall. 

K: Oh yeah. For sure.

C: But we’re not talking about fall.

K: Nope.

C: Fuck fall! We’re talking about summer. 

K: (laughing) We’re talking about summer.

C: All the good songs! Bananarama’s best song, “Cruel Summer”

K: Okay. Yes.

C: —which, have you ever watched the video for that? 

K: No, I haven’t.

C: There are bananas floppin around. 

K: (laughs) 

C: There’s construction sites.

K: Okay.

C: I love … I love that song. “Cruel Summer.” The Bananarama

K: That’s really … yeah I only—I think I didn’t really know the original. I knew the cover. That’s what I was familiar with.

C: I don’t think—I don’t know if I’ve heard the cover! 

K: (laughs) I see it in the chat. (laughs) Yeah.

C: Toshio, yeah. Toshio said Ace of Base covered it. 

K: That’s the one I know, yeah.

C: I don’t know if I’ve heard it.

K: Oh, you probably have. I’m sure. You have. 

C: Okay.

K: It was ubiquitous. It was in that era—

C: Was it?

K: —where Ace of Base was just everywhere.

C: Mm.

K: Where they were all over the place, all the time, in the early to mid-90’s.

C: I think I must have blocked it out, because to me, that song is like … ultimate jam. “Cruel Summer.”

K: It’s a good song!

C: Even though it’s kinda melancholy! You’re like, what is—

K: The lyrics, yeah. (laughs) 

C: —what’s going on? And the melody is a little like—a little sinister, even. 

K: Mm. Mm.

C: Which kinda sums up summer. It’s like, it’s catchy, but it’s got a little ominous stuff to it.

K: Yeah. You’re drawn to it, but it’s also like dangerous, and it feels a little bit … yeah. Like something bad might happen, which—

C: Right. (laughs) It probably will!

K: —in the summer … I mean, we had a really weird summer here last year with all of the fires, which obviously were not good. But then we had—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —because we had all the fires we had that day last year where the sky was just red.

C: Dark! Yes. Yes.

K: Which was like—

C: That was terrifying. 

K: It was—

C: From pictures. I didn’t see it, yeah.

K: It was … I cannot explain it to you, Caitlin. I have a—in my apartment, one wall is basically my sliding glass door for the patio, and so there’s a lotta light, you know? So you can kind of gauge what time of day it is by how much light is coming in and whatever, where the sun is, and I remember waking up that day and being like, why does it feel like dark? Like did it—did I not set my alarm? What’s going on? And I was like no, it’s like 7:30 or whatever; it’s not—and I remember opening the door, or opening the curtain and being like, what the hell is happening?

C: Yeah.

K: It was so scary. (laughs) Like … I was like, oh—

C: It looked apocalyptic in photos. It really did.

K: It truly … I cannot explain what it felt like to be—and people were just like, “Well, I’ll just strap on my mask and go about my business,” and I was like, no! Everybody stay inside! Like what are you doing? It was such a wild day. And I feel like it was even worse in San Francisco than it was in the East Bay. Like it felt … I don’t know. The pictures were … we’ll definitely put some pictures in the show notes or something, because it was one of the times where I was like, oh, climate change is super here, and bad, and like—

C: Yeah.

K: —it’s not going to get better unless we do something super radical. But yeah, that is probably the one of the most memorable summer days that I’ve had in a really long time—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —was waking up and being like (laughs) … everything is on fire. (laughs) 

C: (laughs) 

K: Like it was—it was so—I—yeah. I’ve not felt like that, ever, about the weather/climate in my life, I don’t think. 

C: Yeah.

K: It was a really interesting time. But yeah, what else about summer? I mean, it’s kind of interesting that you say like … I don’t know. For me, there are things about summer that are good, especially when you’re younger, right?

C: Mm-hmm.

K: Like you get summer vacation, which is like—

C: Right, which we do not anymore.

K: I know! Honestly, I don’t understand it. The European countries have it right, by doing the—you know, everybody gets August off and nobody works. You know? I’m like, that’s smart. Everyone should—

C: Yeah.

K: We should do that. Yeah—

C: Have you heard about—I’m sorry.

K: No, go ahead!

C: Have you heard about Iceland?

K: I’ve heard of the country. (laughs) 

C: I mean have you heard of the country? (laughs) 

K: I’m aware that it exists. 

C: There’s this country called Iceland! It’s really small.There’s volcanoes everywhere.

K: Got it. Very cold. Björk.

C: Björk! Heard of her.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: So Iceland just did a two-year study, I think. Could be wrong, but it was something like that.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: And they were like, hey, what would happen if we gave everyone a four-day work week?

K: Oh, yeah. I did hear about that.

C: And so, shockingly, people liked it—

K: (laughs) Quality of life improved.

C: —and work-life balance improved—did I talk about this last week?

K: No. I did—I have read about it, though. For sure.

C: Okay. I don’t know who I was talking about it with then, but like … basically everything improved. (clears throat). Unsurprisingly. 

K: Yeah.

C: So now they’re gonna do I think a four—four-day work week. And no one’s wages were dropped. 

K: (scoffs) 

C: Just kept the same wages.

K: Wow. 

C: So I was like, oh, god! I gotta move. I mean—

K: (laughs) 

C: —seriously, when is someone gonna marry me? I have talked about the green card.

K: I mean, okay. Well, you—

C: Get me out of this country!

K: Okay, but you’ve said like, three different places. (laughs) So you’re like, okay, Scotland—

C: I’m amenable to where you live!

K: —Australia; and now you’re like, Iceland. You’re like, anywhere that’s not North America!

C: Not America. I … I might die.

K: I mean, even Canada—would Canada suffice? Or no?

C: Dude! Just like get me out of here. I mean—

K: I mean, Canada does have, you know, they have socialized medicine, so that’s good.

C: They do. They’ve got [The] Kids in the Hall.

K: (laughs) Yeah, that’s a really—

C: They’ve got maple syrup.

K: Yeah. Neither of those things are things for me, but I mean, if that’s what drives you, then that’s, you know. That’s great.

C: Yes. I’m a celebrity. Get me out of here.  

K: Yeah. I mean, there are so many countries that we could go to that are better. But I—

C: How many countries are there in the world? 

K: I think it’s—

C: A hundred ninety-seven? Hundred—

K: I think it’s a little bit less than that.

C: Okay. So—

K: Yeah.

C: —out of all of our listeners—and I did see a map of who was listening—

K: (laughing) Okay.

C: Somehow I found that. I don’t even know how I saw that. But we had some listeners in countries who I’m like, I don’t know where this is. Somebody in Australia was listening to us.

K: I mean, that’s a big country.

C: Australia isn’t gonna wanna accept me. Like we’ve talked about Australia and their disability—

K: Why?

C: Their disability policies.

K: But so is Canada! I mean—

C: True.

K: —they just changed theirs recently, so I think it might be—you know, we might be able to sneak in. Or you might be able to sneak in.

C: Okay. Oh, we have confirmation. There’s a hundred ninety-five countries.

K: Okay, yeah. I knew it was around there.

C: So, you know, there’s only a few countries where I’m like, you know. Maybe not. But—

K: (laughs) 

C: But most of them I will. Iceland probably would kill me. 

K You know, I couldn’t—

C: That would probably kill me cuz it’s so cold.

K: Yeah. The temperatures … I mean, it’s beautiful. When you see it— 

C: Oh, my god!

K: —you’re like, wow, what a gorgeous country. But you’re also like, oh, there are some places that are just not meant to be habitable. 

C: Mm-hmm. 

K: At least that’s what I think. Because I’m just like, I couldn’t … I mean, talk about the opposite of summer. Like (laughs) that is—

C: Right.

K: —pretty much the opposite in every way. And don’t they also have like that weird thing that some of those Northern—

C: Yeah!

K: —European countries have, where the sunlight is very weird? It’s like sun for—

C: You get like four hours.

K: Yeah. That to me is—(sighs) I don’t know if I could—that coupled with the actual weather, just like it seems like it’d be a lot. Very difficult to sort of … I don’t know, live with.

C: Yeah.

K: But I don’t know. They seem to be happy, so good for them.

C: Yeah. Well, they got a four-day work week. And there’s a really—

K: I know, yeah. (laughs) 

C: If you have amazon prime, there’s a really good Icelandic show starring my favorite Icelandic actor Ólaf, and it’s called Trapped.

K: Oh.

C: And it’s really really good. It’s really really good. So if you have not seen Trapped on amazon prime, it’s a mystery thriller set in Iceland. 

K: Mm.

C: Very good. Recommend that.

K: Yeah. People are wearing coats a lot. I’m sure it’s—

C: Oh! Tosh, talk about that. I do not remember—when did we threaten to take over Greenland? I vaguely remember that.

K: That was when Donald Trump was—

C: Oh, right!

K: I remember it! Okay. So the (laughing) only reason I remember it is because Conan did a Remote about it, because Donald Trump was like, oh, we’re gonna buy Greenland or whatever—

C: (laughs) 

K: —and Greenland was like, uh, what? Like (laughs) no, you’re not. And so Conan did a Remote where he went to Greenland and just went to the—I guess the capital and stuff, and talked to people, and talked to people in Parliament there, being like, “So how do you feel about the US (laughing) buying your country?” And they were like, “Uh, I don’t think that’s gonna happen.” It’s very funny.

C: Yeah.

K: Definitely check it out if you haven’t. I think the whole thing is on YouTube, or possibly if you have Netflix, I think all of Conan’s “Conan Goes to ____ Country” are all on there. But  that one’s very funny, cuz I don’t know anything about Greenland people, you know? Like the people of Greenland?

C: Yeah. What do we call them? 

K: I don’t know!

C: Greenlanders?

K: Maybe. But it’s interesting, the names and the accents. I was like, this is intense! But it’s very funny. Yeah. It was during Trump’s term, when he was like, ohh I’m—

C: Greenlanders.

K: Mkay. I like that. I think it sounds fun.

C: It’s—yeah. Greenlanders.

K: Yeah. (laughs) But yeah, how did we get to—oh, right. Cuz we were talking about Iceland. But yeah.

C: I mean, I’d go. Like if someone pays me to. In a private plane. 

K: To what, Iceland or Greenland? Which one?

C: Either.

K: Okay.

C: Take me on a PJ—private jet—and pay for all my costs, and maybe some friends come along—I’ll do it. Twist my arm.

K: I mean, I’d go to any place if that was like—(laughs) if that were—if those were the conditions. You know? 

C: Sure.

K: Yeah—

C: When our Patreon blows up, that’s the first thing I’m gonna do.

K: (laughs) That’s not what we’re gonna do with the Patreon money, people. We’re not getting a private jet.

C: That is what we’re doing. I’ve decided.

K: No. No, we’re not.

C: Overruled!

K: No. It’s not happening. We will discuss this off air. (laughs) 

C: (laughs) 

K: But yeah, so okay, back onto summer … so when I was thinking about it, I was sort of thinking in terms of how I felt when I was a kid, right? Like vacation, obviously. But then I was like, there’s certain stuff—you got the holiday, the big holiday in the middle, fourth of July, right … I guess it’s kinda at the beginning of the summer, not technically in the middle. But fourth of July, which, I’ve talked about it before. In my family, it was a huge holiday—

C: Right.

K: —so like that was a huge thing to look forward to. And the other thing that I looked forward to as a kid, which I now feel complicated feelings about as an adult, is I always really liked the Olympics.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: And obviously, that is (laughing) not a great thing now.

C: Right!

K: I understand just how destructive it can be for not only the athletes that are involved, but also like the cities and the countries that host them. But yeah, I can’t help it. I just—I get excited about the Olympics every four years. (laughs) And I really like it. I mean partially it’s just cuz I am a sports person; I do like sports. But something about the whole like … I don’t know. The festivities. The … just the hugeness— 

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —of the scale of the activities, and it’s all the countries in the world.

C: Yeah.

K: I don’t know. That’s kind of like—there’s something … I don’t know, I don’t wanna say magical about it, but it is very—one of very few times in our world in history where like everyone is coming together for something that’s not terrible. (laughs) I mean, it is terrible in the sort of economic ways that it destroys the country, but it’s not like, oh, there’s a war on, or—you know what I mean?

C: Right. (laughs) Right.

K: Or there’s a pandemic, so all the leaders have to meet or whatever. Which there is right now during these Olympics, but … I don’t know, I just always felt a very soft spot for it. Especially because like growing up we did not have cable.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: And so like … I mean, again, kids don’t understand. Young people don’t know what it’s like to sort of live life without streaming and also without cable. It’s a wasteland, especially in the summer—

C: And internet!

K: Yeah, exactly! And internet. And this is back in the day when, you know, broadcast networks, they just did not care about the summer. 

C: (laughs) 

K: It was like, okay, well we’re leaving in May, so I guess figure out whatever you’re gonna watch (laughs) until September! You know? It was just like, you get reruns; you get crappy movies; you get all kinds of infomercials filling time. It was just really dire. And so we were always happy when the Olympics came around, because it was like, oh good, you know? Something—

C: Something to do!

K: —we could watch for at least these two weeks that they’re happening or whatever. And I remember we got really into them. Probably the first time I got really into them was in ‘96, which was kind of perfect, cuz that was when they were in Atlanta. (sniffs)

C: Mm.

K: So it was like, oh, they’re in america, like that’s cool also. But then also, you know, you had the whole gymnastics team won the gold medal for the first time, with Kerri Strug, and she broke her ankle.

C: Oh my god!

K: That was so dramatic! Like I remember watching that and being like so … I mean, when you think about it though; when you sort of think about it in the moment, you’re like, wow this is so cool, like america, yeah, go america. And then you’re like, wait a minute! This is actually awful when you think about it.

C: This is child abuse!

K: They made this girl go out there injured and be like, no. Just—you know, I know your ankle is a problem, but you know. Probably it’ll be fine, so just go and do that second vault and—

C: Do the gymnastics, little girl. 

K: Yeah, exactly! Or else, basically. You know? And like she went and did it, broke her—

C: Ugh.

K: —fully broke her ankle, and everyone’s like, oh, what a hero! And I’m like, actually, (laughing) this is child abuse. But I mean like, okay.

C: Yeah.

K: I mean, in the moment, you’re caught up in it, but then now, as—you know, when you look back, you’re like that was actually a very terrible thing that we all did to that little girl. (laughs) 

C: Right. 

K: But yeah, I don’t know. I was just—it was always really fun. And I don’t know. Ever since then, I’ve had like a soft spot for the Olympics.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: And … although this might be the first year where I’m like, mm.

C: Yeah.

K: Maybe … not.

C: Maybe not. I just saw something online about … they’re giving the athletes cardboard beds to lay on.

K: What?

C: Like they’re literally made out of cardboard, like you … I don’t understand the logic behind it at all. 

K: Mm.

C: I don’t … but I also don’t have any more information, so like maybe it makes sense, maybe it doesn’t?

K: Oh, okay. So basically—I googled it. Apparently (laughs) … apparently it’s not for like COVID or pandemic reasons; it’s—I mean yes, it’s probably related to that, but they’re apparently for anti-sex beds at the Tokyo Olympics, so—because usually—

C: Ohh.

K: I mean, that’s another thing you hear about the Olympics is that basically everybody is just like—

C: Doin it. Yeah.

K: —boning down all the time with everyone else, and so like usually what they do at the Olympics is they have a lot of contraceptives, like condoms and all this stuff—

C: (gasps) Oh, they’re not!

K: —available to people. But I think they’re not doing that this year, so they’re like—

C: Good god! 

K: —you know, (laughs) what else can we do—

C: Like, have you learned anything from the abstinence programs in the US? It doesn’t work. 

K: I can’t understand that logic. 

C: No.

K: It does not make sense to me. I’m like, okay, why would you take away the thing that would keep people safe if you’re trying to keep people safe? Cuz people are gonna do what they’re gonna do, right?

C: Exactly.

K: Like it’s not … it’s not gonna have the effect that you think it’s gonna have.

C: Mm.

K: Which is like, but we don’t need another kind of outbreak, right? Like let’s just (laughs) give the people their condoms, let the adults do what they’re gonna do, and hope that everyone is safe. But yeah, apparently they are giving them cardboard beds. This whole Olympics is gonna be an absolute—

C: (laughs) 

K: It’s just a shit show.

C: It is.

K: It’s been a shit show since like … from the time they said they were actually gonna keep doing it, I was like, this is gonna be bad. 

C: Yeah.

K: And it’s been bad in so many ways that you’re just like, oh my god. (laughs) All of it is terrible. From the like the way they’ve treated the ath[letes]—you know, a lot of Black women athletes—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —and the like … (groans) to all of the precautions that they’re not taking about keeping people in Tokyo safe who are like, uh, we actually don’t want this to happen. (laughs)

C: Right.

K: And the displacement that’s happening for people who live in this area who have been like basically pushed outta their homes because of all the building that needed to happen, like … I just don’t know—my thing about the Olympics that I’ve always wondered—and maybe—obviously like the IOC is very powerful, so I’m sure this is not gonna happen anytime soon, but I was like, why don’t they just always keep them in Greece? Why don’t they just have them in Greece, and have them there every four years, like I don’t understand why it has to move around in different countries. The whole point is that the Olympics sort of originated in Greece. Just keep them in Greece. Like that, to me, seems like—especially because Greece is a very small country and could do with the financial help that would come from, you know, every four years, this influx of people and cash and whatever. Why not just do that? (laughs) But yeah, that’s another thing. To me, the Olympics are like synonymous with summer. To the point where I don’t even really pay attention to the winter Olympics when they happen. (laughs) I’m like, oh, is that going on? Good for those people.

C: How do you feel about sno-cones? Cuz that, to me, is quintessential summer—

K: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

C: —but I never partake.

K: I like a sno-cone. I like the part of it that’s like before you get down to the bottom of it. I don’t really like the part that’s super—where a lotta syrup has pooled.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: I like the part at the top, you know, and then once you get down—once you get to where there’s too much syrup, it gets too sweet, and I’m like, I’m out.

C: Yeah.

K: But for the most part, yeah, I’m into em! I don’t really … I have not really had a … I honestly haven’t had one probably in like twenty years. But—

C: Me neither.

K: —even before that, I probably didn’t have them very frequently. So like to me, when I think of sno-cones, I think of the various … I guess department store or shopping place brands. So you have like your Icees vs. your … what’s the other one?

C: I’m glad you call em Icees too.

K: Well cuz there’s another one that’s not Icee, but it’s like—

C: There’s like Icee—some people say Slushees. I—we always called em Icees. 

K: We called them Icees, but that’s a brand. And then there’s another brand that’s like a competing brand that’s not Icee. But yeah, there’s like various kinds of them, and I’m—I’m into them, mostly. I really honestly, like I said, haven’t had one in forever.

C: Yeah.

K: But that makes me think of like—another thing that’s good about summer is the ice cream truck. Obviously.

C: Oh, yeah. Except every ice cream truck in the history of the world will play the worst music—

K: Oh, yeah. The music is terrible. But—

C: —on loop. It’s always Scott … what’s his name?

K: Scott Joplin? “The Entertainer”?

C: Scott Joplin! (laughs) 

K: (vocalizing) Doo doo doo doo doo! Yeah. (laughs) 

C: Which makes me wanna get an ice pick and put it through my eyeballs. Yeah.

K: Yeah. No, that’s like the quintessential ice cream truck song. But to me, ice cream trucks—as soon as—like that’s how you know summer is about to start, is when ice cream trucks start showin up around town again. You’re like, yes. 

C: Mm-hmm.

K: It’s about to be summer break! I’m looking forward to it. And in my hometown, we had only a couple, but like you—I don’t know. We, my family, did have the one we preferred over the others. (sniffs) And actually, it’s funny. (laughs) I just thought about this—I have not thought about this in so long. But there was like one ice cream truck that used to come in my neighborhood and my grandma’s neighborhood and … I don’t know what, but maybe the ice cream truck driver guy saw me and my sister playing outside or something one time—I don’t know what. But like he—I remember he stopped in front of our house and … he called my sister to the truck, and obviously this is like, what the hell? Don’t go to the truck when a stranger calls you to a truck.

C: Right.

K: But he was like, do you guys want free ice cream? And we’re like … yes? And so—

C: You gotta get in this van first.

K: No! (laughs) No, you—but—that’s where you think it’s going—

C: Yeah!

K: —but he was like, okay, free ice cream. And then literally every time we saw him, he gave us free ice cream. And I’m like, did he just feel sorry for me (laughing) cuz I’m disabled—

C: (laughs) 

K: —and he’s like, free ice cream? And I—I am not exaggerating when I say every time. Like if he saw my sister anywhere—she was at my grandma’s house—

C: Yeah.

K: —or she was at our house, or some other friend’s house and playing and she saw him, he would stop and she could get a free ice cream. I’m like … what is this? (laughs) Like why—and for years! Not just that one summer; it was for basically the rest of time until I moved away for college. He would give me and my sister free ice cream every time. And so like—

C: Ice cream angel.

K: Every time! And it was funny, because like if he came around my grandma’s neighborhood and I wasn’t there, but my cousins were there, my sister was there—they’d be like, oh, uh Krystal’s in the house—

C: (laughs) 

K: —and she wants a (laughs)—you know? So they would get ice cream—

C: She needs five ice cream cones! 

K: Yeah, exactly! She needs like five ice cream sandwiches and like (laughs)—he would just—but every time, he would give free ice cream to me and my sister, and my mom was like, what did—why does he do that? I was like, I don’t know. If I knew, I would tell you, but I’m not gonna stop, cuz I definitely (laughing) want free ice cream! 

C: Yeah. Don’t—just don’t question it.

K: So yeah. I honestly think he probably saw me and my sister and was like, aw, that poor girl, maybe free ice cream will make her feel better. I’m like, you’re right! We were always excited about that. But yeah, I don’t know why he gave me free ice cream. But every single time (laughs). Yes, it’s Eddie. 

C: ???

K: Yeah, he had a better song than the other truck. I can’t remember why we liked it better, but I think it was just not as annoying.

C: Was it “Ice Cream” by Wu-Tang Clan?

K: (laughs) Imagine.

C: Can you imagine? That song—I actually really like that song, but it is so misogynistic and awful.

K: It’s not a … it’s inappropriate in various ways. (laughs) 

C: It’s so inappropriate! I mean, he literally says “all up in your guts.” 

K: Ugh.

C: And—

K: Can we just say—hold up for a second. 

 C: —if you do not know what that means … 

K: That phrase—okay. So that is gross—

C: It’s so gross! “Up in dem guts.”

K: —in the way that he uses it in the song. But like … if you like sports, you will hear that phrase all the time. Because they say it in football and they say it in basketball all the time.

C: They say “up in dem guts”?

K: No, they say “up the gut.” All the time. Because basically what they mean is like that there’s an opening and someone runs through it, and it’s through the center of the field. Or through the center of the basketball court. To the—either to the end zone or to the basket. And I—every time they say it, I’m like, please never say that again. (laughs) 

C: (laughs) 

K: It is so upsetting to me. I hate it so much! And they—it’s that and gimpy. Like those two are the—

C: Oh, what?

K: If I could wipe any … you know, when someone gets like kind of hurt, like a little bit—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —or they’re coming back from injury and they’re just like, oh, yeah he’s kinda gimpy. And I’m like, just don’t.

C: That’s not cool! I can’t believe they—

K: Yeah. It’s really ugly. 

C: —well, I can believe they can get away with something like that, but—

K: I was gonna say, yeah. It’s not surprising (laughing) but it’s still ugly. 

C: Yeah. Yes. That is ugly. 

K: Yeah.

C: So wait, what is the phrase again? Up the gut?

K: Up the gut. Yes. I try not to think about it (laughs)

C: That’s disgusting, yeah.

K: —because I hate it so much. But they say it—especially in football, they say it a lot. Because, you know, a player will break out and get … like start running in open space, cuz they’re super fast—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —or like they broke a tackle or something, and … ugh. I just—I hate it so much.

C: Yeah.

K: I hate it. I hate it.

C: Yeah. 

K: But yeah, that reminded me of that. (laughs) But yeah, so one thing I wanted to ask—because ice cream trucks are very ubiquitous, obviously. But we, in my hometown, also had other kinds of trucks, and I don’t know if other people had those. 

C: Like what?

K: So like we had the ice cream truck—various ones—and then we also had the donut truck. So like—

C: What?! 

K: It—yeah, so like—

C: No, I’ve never heard of that!

K: There was like a couple bakeries that would go around, and it was the same kind of thing, like a van that would go around and they would, you know, whatever, stop. They didn’t—I don’t know if the donut trucks had music. I can’t remember. I’m sure they did. But they would go around, and so you’d stop em and they’d have all the various donuts on … it was very cool, the way they had it set up all like—I don’t know. I don’t know how they came up with the idea, but apparently someone did, and they were like—and then another bakery was like, “Oh, (laughing) we can do that too,” and just like copied it. And so it would be donuts, but then also they’d have cookies, and candy, and so it was awesome. So I loved the donut truck—donut trucks—but then we also had (laughs) the corn truck? So like the corn man, as we called him (laughs)

C: Like … elotes, or like—

K: Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

C: Okay.

K: Yeah, they’d just go around in the neighborhoods and be like, ooh yeah, the corn man is here, and we’d get our elotes. 

C: Damn. That is like my dream, honestly.

K: And also we had the pala … paletero? That would come through with the—

C: What is that?

K: Paletas? You know, the Mexican—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —ice cream … popsicles, basically?

C: Mm-hmm.

K: They’d have like a small cart, but they’d come through.

C: (whispers) Damn!

K: Yeah. We had all of those! And I’m like—oh, I remember talking to somebody in college once and talking about the donut truck, and they’re like, what?! (laughs) 

C: Who are you? (laughs) 

K: Like, what are you talking about? And I’m like, oh, is this not a thing everywhere? Like it was certainly a thing in my hometown, for sure. 

C: So when I think of summer, of course I think of the song from Grease. “Summer Lovin.’” Had me a blast.

K: (laughs) Happened so fast.

C: Have you ever had a summer romance? Cuz every summer, I’m like, that would be so fun, to have like a lil summer romance. Never happened. That I remember.

K: Yeah.

C: Like a summer fling!

K: Um … I mean, I guess—okay. So when I was like … okay, so lemme figure out how to start this story.

C: Ooh! 

K: So basically—

C: Spicy spicy!

K: —when I was a kid, there was a cousin of my cousins. So he was their cousin, but not my cousin.

C: Wouldn’t your cousins’ cousin be your cousin though? 

K: No. Cuz my mom has a different dad than her sisters. And so they—

C: You know what, I don’t even understand. But I believe you.

K: (laughs) 

C: You’re not blood-related. That’s all that matters.

K: No. And so I had a huge crush on him from the time I was like … I don’t know. Maybe like ten or eleven—you know, when you start getting crushes on people.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: But we had always been really close, like really—we hung out all the time, and then when they moved away, his grandma lived around the corner from my grandma, and so whenever he would come to town, he would always come to my grandma’s house and be like, “Is Krystal here?” (laughs) And they’d be like, no. But then when I was there, it’d be like, oh cool. We’d just hang out at his grandma’s and stuff all day. And then I just—I just … a huge crush on him. From the time I was eleven til like seventeen. And then, you know. Seventeen; finished high school; I graduated from high school. At the beginning of the summer, I wasn’t doing anything. And I remember I hadn’t seen him in awhile, and then the week before, he just popped up at my grandma’s house. And I was there, and I was gettin ready to go to another place because of band, and we were doing something, and he was like, “Oh, are you leaving?” And I was like, “Yeah, but maybe I’ll be back later, I don’t know.” And so when I came back he wasn’t there. And he came back the next week, when I was just like sittin in my room, cuz at this time I was livin with my grandma for a little bit. And then he came to my grandma’s and was like, “Hey, do you wanna come over to my grandma’s?” (laughs) And I was like, okay. And then my sister was like, “I wanna come too!” And I was like, (whispers) fuck! You know? (laughs) So—

C: (laughs) 

K: So she had to come also. So we go to his grandma’s; we’re watchin TV, eatin snacks, whatever, and, you know, just—

C: Snacks!

K: —cuz I haven’t seen him in awhile, and just catchin up and stuff. And then it starts to get later, so maybe like seven or something. and then my grandma calls and she’s like, send your sister home. Because this is in the summer back when we still had year-round school in my school district.

C: Oh! Okay.

K: And my sister had like—she was in school in the summer. So she’s like, “Send her home cuz she hasn’t done her homework, (laughs) and she needs to do it” or whatever. “I’m gonna send your other cousin to come walk her home,” or whatever. So I was like, okay. And so then my sister leaves, and it’s just the two of us hangin out in his grandma’s backyard, and … you know. Uh. You know, we’re both teenagers; I think he was probably nineteen at the time. Maybe I was … maybe [he was] twenty? 

C: So you’re older?

K: He’s older. 

C: He’s older. Oh, okay.

K: I think he was like twenty. And I was l seventeen. I had just graduated literally the week—the Friday before. 

C: Okay.

K: And this is like, (laughing) Monday or something. So, super fresh out of finishing high school, and—

C: You’re sittin in the backyard …

K: Sittin in the backyard, and then he just … we’re, you know, talking, whatever, laughing. Just joking around, and—and then he was like, “Yeah, you know I always had a crush on you, right?” And I’m like, “(clicks tongue) No. (laughing) That’s not true.” And he was like, “No, it’s true.” And then … I don’t know. Then next thing you know, we’re makin out. And it’s fine. And so that was kind of my—that summer, we kind of had a little—but it was awkward, cuz it was like, what are people gonna say (laughs) about this if they find out?

C: Your family is like so integral to that situation, too!

K: Yeah. It was very—

C: You’re like making out with him at his grandma’s house! (laughs) 

K: Yeah. It was—first—that was like, okay, we better not do this, (laughs) cuz your grandma might see something and be like, what’s happening right now? But yeah, and so the whole summer—

C: That’s a cute story, though.

K: Yeah, it was very—it was a nice little sendoff to high school—or, to college—for sure.

C: Yeah. 

K: But it was like the whole summer, every time he came—and then (laughing) everyone would just … I mean, people always—people already knew that I had a crush on him—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —and that there was always something …. you know. That we were just very close. And so people were always kinda making fun of him for being around me, and making fun of me for wanting to be around him, and you know, if I’d come to my grandma’s and they were like, “Oh, your boyfriend was here today! He asked about you!”

C: Yeah.

K: And I’m like, stop. (laughs) He’s not my boyfriend. But yeah, that was—that’s probably the only one that I can remember really being just like very contained to only the summer.

C: Yeah, summer.

K: And that was kind of the expectation, like we were not like, oh yeah, we’re gonna be a couple or whatever. Cuz I’m like, I’m seventeen and I’m leaving to Berkeley in … (laughing) you know what I mean? Like two months, like a month and a half or whatever. Probably not smart to be like, yeah, let’s start a relationship. 

C: Right.

K: Even then I was like, I understand how the world works. It was very cute.

C: I want a summer love! 

K: Yeah. I don’t—I mean—

C: Kind of.

K: I think it’s hard. I don’t know how other people do it, because you kind of have to go into it with the expectation that you don’t want it—it’s not gonna be a big deal. Right?

C: Right.

K: Like you just kinda want it to be contained to this time, and you’re not gonna, either of you, take it seriously, or too seriously. Yeah, I don’t know. I think it’s—

C: Yeah, that’s not really how I do things. 

K: Yeah. 

C: That’s not how I do business. I don’t go in there with like, this is strictly a four-week period—

K: (laughs) 

C: —where we like each other and then it’s goodbye! Yeah, I don’t work like that.

K: Yeah, it’s hard to make your emotions do that, you know what I mean?

C: Right?

K: It’s not really—but I mean, Toshio, you make a good point about like, it’s easy when you’re confined to a certain space, like camp or something. Like if you go to a camp, that’s one thing you always hear, like, “Oh, my boyfriend from camp.” Or “the girl that I was … my girlfriend from camp” or something. Because it’s easy to sort of have that very contained like, okay, we’re in this space together, and we know it’s only going to last for X number of weeks. So you don’t have to have the expectation that anything will continue, cuz you’re like, okay, we’re not even gonna be (laughs) in the same place in however many days. So it can only be for the summer, cuz that’s the only time we see each other. 

C: (vocalizing) Cool for the summer.

K: Exactly. (laughs) But yeah, I definitely—

C: I’m gonna start telling people about my camp boyfriend! (laughs) 

K: (laughs) I never went to camp! That’s another summer thing that I—

C: I never went to camp either. Do you find … like, camp people, I find— 

K: (laughs) 

C: —(whispers) Shh! Guys, don’t tell anyone I said this. 

K: No. They’re very annoying, right?

C: (whispering) Camp people are weird people. 

K: Yeah. It’s—

C: They are! Camp people are weird people!

K: It’s almost like … I compare camp people to the same kinda people who are very into like … if you (sighs) I don’t know if this is a specific type—it probably is. You’re from Arkansas, so you can probably relate. But people who are kids who are really into church, and into their youth group—

C: (laughs) 

K: —and so like they’re always talkin about their youth group friends, and you’re like—

C: (laughing) Yeah! 

K: —I don’t care about them. Like I don’t know them, and I don’t care. 

C: (laughs) 

K: But I feel like it’s the same thing, right? 

C: Mm-hmm.

K: Like they have this thing in common that they do, and only these people do it, and they always wanna tell you how fun it is and how cool it is, and all the like exciting things—

C: Yeah. No.

K: —and you’re like, I wasn’t there. This is not gonna relate for—(laughing) I’m not gonna be able to relate to this. 

C: Right. I don’t wanna hear your songs.

K: Yeah.

C: I don’t wanna hear your activities.

K: And talk about your little traditions?

C: I don’t wanna hear about your arts and crafts. No.

K: Mm-hmm. I mean, I do wanna hear about it, but you can’t expect me to care that much. Like (laughs) I wasn’t there.

C: See, I don’t even care. I want you to keep it movin.

K: It’s definitely a specific type, and it’s like people who went to camp don’t—it’s one of those things that I think people don’t necessarily think of as like a class signifier, but like—

C: I do.

K —if you could afford to go to camp and you went there every year and you stayed at a place for six weeks or whatever, like … your family had a lot of disposable income, right?

C: Yeah.

K: Like that’s a thing that people don’t really think of, and I—it’s so funny. I listen to podcasts and you hear all these people who are in either media, or they’re in the industry—like Hollywood or whatever—and so many people are so … because of the kid of work that they do, there’s a … there’s a feeling that they’re kind of like, “No no no, I’m in it. I’m in the struggle, because I’m trying to get hired for—you know, I’m going on auditions and I’m doing this, and I’m in this comedy show or improv thing and I’m trying to get my big break.” And they kind of think of themselves as like “I’m a ‘starving’ actor or a working actor” or whatever. And so they have this idea that they’re very like, “No no, I understand being working class.” And it’s like, but you don’t. You came from a family where you went to camp every year, and your parents were able to help you move to LA, and … you know what I mean?

C: Mm.

K: There’s all of these class things where I’m like, people don’t hear themselves. (laughs) Like they don’t understand what they’re saying right now. But yeah, that’s the sort of—camp is kind of one of those things where I’m like, oh, it tells me a lot about a kind of person without necessarily needing to tell me—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —about a—you know, that person needing to tell me a lot about themselves. And boarding school is a hundred per cent one of those other things, where that, to me, seems even more obvious. Like okay, your parents—

C: It’s so weird to me!

K: —could afford to send you to a school and you lived there and it costs many thousands of dollars every year? I don’t know. It’s—it’s just—there’s a podcast I listen to where one of the hosts went to boarding school, and then there’s another one where they regularly have a guest who went to boarding school, and she talks about how like, “Oh, I worked really hard, like in LA, and you know, it was really hard for me when I moved”—it’s like yeah, I’m sure it was, but you kinda also had a fallback if it didn’t work.

C: Right.

K: Like, fortunately you were able to be successful! I wonder how that happened. (laughs) 

C: That was—in college, that was like the one of the—the first times where I was like, ohh. It’s—

K: Mm-hmm.

C: —I’m surrounded by rich people! Cuz I had gone to very poor, very majority Black schools. Public schools.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: And then going to our college, and it was like, literally people talking about their boarding school, and … especially a lotta East Coast people.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: It was so weird to me.

K: Yeah.

C: Cuz to me, I’m like boarding school’s just like something you see in movies, and like—

K: Exactly! It’s not real. 

C: Right! And then to—

K: Like real people don’t go there. (laughs) 

C: Yeah. It was just such a—

K: Mm-hmm.

C: I just remember being really—like genuinely shocked by that. 

K: Yup. Same. Same, and Berkeley is kind of like … it’s kind of where you get the mix of those two things, because they do—because it’s a state school—you know, a University of California school—you do have a lotta people who are first-generation college students and stuff, so people who are more like my background, where I relate. But then you also, because it’s a prestigious school, one of the better public universities, you do have a lotta these very rich people from backgrounds where you’re just like, I don’t understand what your life is. I don’t get it. Like I mean it’s cool for you, but it’s not anything I can absolutely recognize as a realistic way of living. But yeah, it’s a weird—Berkeley’s a hundred per cent a mix of those two things. 

C: Mm.

K: Yeah. Toshio put like fifty/fifty or seventy/thirty? It is. Like you can easily have a class that’s, you know, a third of people who don’t know anyone who also ever went to college, or—

C: Right.

K: —people who are like, “Yeah, my dad owns some giant company, or my mom is some huge lawyer politician person,” or whatever, and you’re like, cool. (laughs) Cool. This is a very weird thing. But yeah, what else about summer? I mean, we sort of touched on the things that I was sort of thinking of, like the vacation from school; we talked about summer romances. That was a fun one, which I didn’t think of.

C: Takin a stroll down memory lane with Kevin.

K: (laughs) Yeah. Yeah.

C: I don’t know. We can move on, because there is—I’m excited to talk about we’ve enjoyed this week.

K: Oh. (laughs) Okay.

C: I mean, I’m not saying we have to move on—

K: Yeah! I don’t have anything else.

C: I’m just saying I’m excited for more.

K: Yeah, I’m excited too! I wanna hear what you’re watching, cuz my (laughs) … my thing is very silly. So I’m excited to tell you about that. (laughs) 

C: Ooh, I’m excited—okay, I’m excited for that. Well, I don’t really have anything more about summer—

K: Cool.

C: —that I can think of. We covered everything you could ever wanna know about summer, and we did an amazing job. 

K: (laughing) We did do a good job! Yeah. I mean, you know. If you like it, great for you. If summer is your season, then, you know, live it up. But I’m—

C: It’s hot girl summer!

K: Oh, yeah. We didn’t talk about that cuz it’s not for me. 

C: I can’t believe we didn’t talk about hot girl summer.

K: It’s not hot girl summer for me. Good for everyone who is … who is having a hot girl summer, but … I’m having an indoor girl summer. (laughs) 

C: (laughs)

K: That’s my—how I’m gonna live it. Yeah.

C: I’m literally wearing a cardigan right now, so I’m havin a cardigan girl summer.

K: (laughs) Yeah. That’s so funny.

C: Okay. Well, we’re done. We’re movin on.

K: Cool. 

C: To—

K & C: —Two Cents, No Tax

C: —and (vocalizing) I’m up this week

K: Oh my gosh, how exciting! I feel like … again, when we took those breaks, it didn’t feel like a long time, but I’m like, wow, it feels like we haven’t done this in so long! 

C: I … it feels like years.

K: I know! Really. 

C: It feels like years. 

K: It truly does. Okay. So, you know, I like to have a little range of different kinds of questions, and I’m—this one I thought of—we kind of touched on it, I think, in last week’s episode, but I’m kind of—I wanna get more of your opinion on it, because I know you will have one. (laughs) What is your opinion on Bennifer 2.0?

C: Oh, you know, that’s hilarious, cuz I almost asked you that as well.

K: (laughs) Cuz we’re the—it was right in our sweet spot culturally, right? Like—yeah.

C: It is! We’re at the perfect age … 

K: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

C: So, let me say this. I think they are perfect for each other, and I don’t care about either of them.

K: (laughs) 

C: I think that—(laughs) they, to me, I’m like, you guys make the perfect sense together.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: Because, number one, you’re both Leos and you need that kinda ego gratification.

K: (laughs) Of course you know that.

C: In my opinion, J. Lo—this isn’t even an opinion. This is just straight fact. J. Lo will always need a man around her to not just like be an accessory, but she needs that act of worship in a relationship.

K: (laughs) 

C: If you go through the history of J. Lo, you can just tell she needs that. Like she always needs that.

K: Oh my god.

C: And, you know, I’m not saying—I’m not judging that. If that’s what helps you; if that’s what makes you feel good … you’ve got a zillion dollars. Why not have a dude who’s shitty—

K: (laughs) 

C: —and not that great and who tells you you’re pretty all the time?

K: Okay, but see—

C:C uz you need that.

K: The one relationship that I just never understood of hers—and it didn’t seem like this kind of one—was the Marc Anthony one. I was like—

C: Oof.

K: —was he like that? I don’t have any kind of sense of what he was like, generally speaking. 

C: Yeah.

K: I feel like he’s so blank. As a famous person.

C: He’s like—I don’t know. I don’t know. I remember seeing something shere she’s like, he is a legend! 

K: Okay.

C: I’m like, mm, is he though? 

K: I mean, he probably is like musically, but not for me, like—

C: Is he? I know nothing about him.

K: I think he’s pretty big, a pretty big deal. But not the kind of thing I listen to. 

C: He probably—oh, he has a Kohl’s line!

K: Oh, good for him. (laughs) I mean, I’ve never been to Kohl’s.

C: So, I will say that Ben Affleck—all the—all the—god! All the Afflecks, they are all terrible human beings. 

K: (laughs) 

C: He and his brother fucking suck. And I really think they’re … they’re awful. I think Jennifer Lopez is probably a really horrible human being as well. 

K: (laughs) 

C: I think they deserve each other.

K: Oh, my god.

C: I think he looks better than he has—

K: She always has that effect on him.

C: —in a really long time because she doesn’t drink.

K: Yeah. Mm.

C: And as we know, he has had problems with alcohol. And so—

K: Right.

C: I am sure … I am sure that J. Lo keeps him on a tight leash. I am sure … she is very regimented. She’s like—I am sure she’s like, we’re gettin up at 5am! We’re gonna hit the gym! 

K: (laughs) 

C: No carbs! Go swimming and take a lot of photos! Go shopping! 

K: Well, I think that’s was one of things that was so—not jarring, but interesting, to see him going from being with J. Lo to being with Jennifer Garner, cuz his like whatever, personal public style, it completely changed.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: Like he went from being very stylish and looking put-together to being like, I’m just a dad, and I’m a schlubby guy from Boston, or whatever.

C: Right. Dunkin’ Donuts! 

K: Like he really leaned into that, I think, when he was with Jennifer Garner, and it’s kind of funny that you’re seeing him just immediately do a 180 (laughs) as soon as he got back—he immediately looks so different, and you’re like, wow, is that—

C: Oh, I think that—I think that’s all J. Lo.

K: —I guess that’s how it goes. Yeah, I know, but it’s just like shocking to me.

C: I think that is all J. Lo.

K: But that’s my—what’s funny, is because it’s like, well you’re a grown man. You can decide (laughs) whether or not—you know, what your look is gonna be or whatever. And he’s like, no, I have to let her have input or whatever. 

C: Oh—

K: I don’t know, it’s just very funny to me. Again, most of the time I do not care about any kind of this celebrity stuff or whatever. But this is so from our—

C: I know.

K: —like our era, that I’m like, it’s back again? Of course I need to know what’s going on here. It’s just so weird.

C: Yeah. I think they’re perfect for each other, and I think they’re both awful people, and they deserve each other. 

K: I mean, I don’t know if I’d say awful—

C: I would. And I did.

K: —but they definitely seem like they would be unpleasant to be around. (laughs) Especially him? I’m just like, ugh, no.

C: I think she would. 

K: I—yeah, maybe.

C I think she would be mean as hell.

K: Mm. I wonder.

C: Like, I think she would be so mean. But—

K: Yeah. Sometimes the pretty girls are very not nice, but—

C: Yeah. I think she is like a total bitch, but whatevs.

K: (laughs) Oh my god! Okay. J. Lo, don’t listen to this episode.

C: Mariah! I am team Mariah though.

K: Yeah. 

C: Full disclosure, obviously. We don’t know her.

K: Cuz we know her. We don’t know J. Lo.

C: Mm-hmm. Never met her. 

K: Okay. (laughing) So my other—so I was thinking about this because I’m really, really waiting for Better Call Saul to come back. I miss that show, and it’s … it’s been almost two years we have had—since we’ve had a new season, and I’m just really sad. So how do you feel about Breaking Bad? Is that a show that you were ever into?

C: Oh. (laughs) I mean, I watched it years ago, and—

K: Mm. Mm-hmm.

C: —I … I really don’t have an opinion anymore. Like … too much has changed. (laughs) 

K: (laughs) Okay. 

C: Too much has happened where I’m like, I don’t really remember much about it.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: I know that—I remember reading someone said they went back and watched it, and it was completely dated, and I feel like—

K: I’m sure it is.

C: —I feel like I would have that reaction, where I’m like, I watched this? What? 

K: I watched it … like I was (laughs)—so my weirdness about Breaking Bad was I was kind of resentful of it because it seemed like people liked it better than Mad Men, and I’m like, Mad Men is such a better show! Like what’s wrong with you people? But it’s like, of course people like it. Mad Men is a show where people think nothing happens, whereas Breaking Bad is like, it’s action and violence and drugs and stuff. So I get it, but at the time, I was like, no, I’m not gonna watch it! And then when it did that weird hiatus thing and they’re like, oh we’re gonna—it’s gonna be our final season, but we’re gonna split it into two seasons—

C: Oh yeah! 

K: I think that was after that period where I was like out of grad school and I was like, I don’t have anything going on. (laughs) 

C: Right.

K: I guess I’ll watch Breaking Bad, get caught up before the new season airs or whatever. And so I did, and even then—and this is probably 2012 or 13—and even then, it felt dated. And the show had only been out for like five years. 

C: Yeah.

K: You know? Or six years or whatever. So I’m sure if you were to watch it now, you’d be like, yikes. It’s very ??? (laughs) 

C: I bet I would. Like I honestly do not remember much about it. Like I remember the premise, but—

K: Mm-hmm.

C: It’s just been so long. I can’t really remember anything about it.

K: I think it’s one of those prestige shows that like … the performances are gonna like—the characters are gonna—Walter White and Jesse Pinkman—I think the characters are gonna remain popular, but I think the show probably will diminish in its standing, just because it was so dated, and because of like … so much of the gross misogyny stuff that was surrounding it about the women characters on that show. But yeah, I always feel like it’s not as good a show as people (laughs) make it out to be. I mean, the performances are good, but I think again, a lot of it doesn’t … doesn’t age well.

C: Yeah. I’m sure you’re right.

K: Although I think the—the Better Call [Saul]—the Saul character is good.

C: Oh, righ! RJ Mitte. I forgot that they had the disabled son on there who is actually disabled.

K: Yeah. He was, and he was actually quite good. I was really—when they started like—when he got older and was like better at acting (laughs)—cuz he was not good at the beginning of the show—

C: (laughs) 

K: I was really pleased that they gave him more to do in the show, cuz it was kinda like, he’s there, and then kinda sometimes they bring up that stuff is hard for him, but like, you don’t really see it cuz they’re not really—they don’t really care about that character. But once they started to lean into that, I was like, oh this is interesting. Cuz I think people—obviously—I mean, we don’t see a lot of disabled people on TV.

C: Nuh-uh.

K: And especially not a lot of disabled young people.

C: Right.

K: Like that’s almost never a thing. And so it was kind of really cool when they gave him more stuff to do, but even then it was like, okay, I guess it’s good. Interesting. Yeah, I think it’s one of those shows that like, we were really into it for a time, and I think over the years it will probably not be as big a deal. Oh, yeah, he definitely was like—made it clear, RJ Mitte, that when he was on the show, that he doesn’t necessarily have the same—his CP [cerebral palsy] isn’t necessarily the same as the character’s, like his—the way it manifests. Like he doesn’t use crutches, I don’t think—

C: Right.

K: —and stuff, so it’s—you know, just kinda different. I did see the Breaking Bad movie, and I liked it a lot, because it was just Jesse. And I was like, I don’t care about any of those other characters—

C: (laughs) 

K: —like Jesse I will watch because I liked—I like Aaron Paul in that so much. And I definitely think he got really short shrift at the end of the series, like they were so focused on Walter White, and everyone hated him by then. I’m like, who cares? Kill him off; let Jesse end the series. 

C: Right.

K: But anyway. So what else? Okay. (laughs) My next other Two Cents, No Tax—we kinda touched on it last week when you asked me about jewelry, but I have a very specific kinda jewelry-related one—

C: Ooh!

K: —because it’s coming back in style and I wanna get your opinion. How do you feel about the dangly earring for men? Cuz that’s definitely—

C: Oh, is that coming in style?

K: Oh, yeah. It’s like hugely popular again.

 C: Like just one earring? 

K: Yup. Just one.

C: Oh! 

K: Well if you haven’t seen it, then you probably don’t have an opinion. But—

C: I’ll make one.

K: —I’ve been seeing it a lot more. (laughs) I—you know where I’ve noticed it, actually? Is because, again, I’m a sports person, and I feel like a lot of the young athletes are doing that now. So I’m like, oh that must be what’s cool. Cuz they’re all (laughing) like young and cool. So they know what’s up. So I’m like, that must be back.

C: Like a hoop? Or just dangly.

K: No, like a—sometimes it’s like a cross, or a little—some design. You know. Just how it would have been in the early 90’s. 

C: Okay.

K: I’m thinking—like imagine George Michael from like—

C: Yes!

K: —that style.

C: He loved a cross. 

K: Exactly. 

C: George Michael loved a cross

K: Mm-hmm. (laughs) 

C: Which always makes me think of the Bill Hicks thing, where he’s like—

K: (laughs) 

C: —“You think if jesus comes back, he’s ever gonna wanna see a fuckin cross?”

K: (laughs) 

C: (laughs) I mean, I’ll say if you like it, you know. Wear em. Oh yeah, T[oshio]—oh, so feather earrings are in?

K: Mm-hmm.

C: No? Oh.

K: (laughs) 

C: I’m not a fan of cross jewelry myself.

K: Mm. Is it cuz religious—

C: I find it weird. Yeah. I just find it odd as earrings. Like obviously that’s just me. So you do you, and wear what you like. If you wanna wear dangly earrings, by all means.

K: Interesting, yeah.

C: Wear a dangly earring!

K: It’s just so funny, because I remember it went through a period of—I think partially related to George Michael and Prince—of being sort of thought of as kind of queer—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —and, you know, too effeminate for men. And now it’s like back again with … you know, ostensibly very masculine straight dudes. So I’m like, maybe it’s a thing now. I don’t know. But I’ve seen it on a lot of youngs. 

C: Oh.

K: So I’m like, oh, the Gen Zs are into it.

C: Maybe Lil Nas X does that.

K: I think he probably does. I’m gonna guess he does.

C: I feel like I’ve seen him do that, and anything he does I … 

K: Mm-hmm.

C: … I’m kinda into. Oh my god, his—I have to say, the before and after with Lil Nas X, from like a year ago to now?

K: Mm-hmm.

C: The amount of swagger and self-confidence that he has gotten is … incredible. And I’m here for it.

K: I feel like he’s … also kinda bulked up. Like he seems like he’s much more—

C: Yeah. Like he’s not like a skinny little kid, maybe.

K: —muscular, yeah. Exactly. Cuz I remember seeing him in—this is I guess maybe even more than a year ago, like two years ago—but in the “Old Town Roadvideo, and then now when he was on SNL and stuff—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —and you see him and you’re like, oh, you look very different—

C: Yeah. (laughs) 

K: —(laughs) than you looked then.

C: Have you been workin out?

K: Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, okay. So yeah, I—dangly earrings. They’re a thing. I’m now that I’ve mentioned it, I bet you’re gonna just see it everywhere.

C: I’m sure I will. I just haven’t been lookin.

K: It’s gonna be—it’s gonna be in your mind. Okay, and I always try to have a food one too—

C: Yes!

K: —because I wanna know. How do you feel about eggs?

C: Oh my god. I knew you were gonna ask me this—

K: (laughing) How did you know?!

C: —and it’s so funny because they’re one of my most hated foods that I find so utterly disgusting.

K: (gasps) This tracks. This absolutely tracks, cuz I love eggs, so (laughs)

C: Yep. Yep. (laughs) 

K: This makes sense. I think that’s partially why I was like, lemme ask Caitlin. Because I know how I feel about them. I’m like, she’s gonna have the opposite opinion.

C: Yeah. I know.

K: Okay.

C: We have—it’s weird how our food tastes are—

K: Mm-hmm!

C: —completely diametrically opposed—

K: But are you—

C: —but they are, cuz I find them disgusting.

K: So is it like—is it a smell thing; is it a texture thing; is it all of it?

C: It’s all of it. 

K: Oh, that’s so funny. Yeah.

C: Yeah. Like, truly … my—like there are some foods where I’m like … sometimes I’m like, what would be—what would my nightmare meal be?

K: (laughs) 

C: Like if someone was like, “You’ve got to eat this.” 

K: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

C: So … and like people talkin about eggs, and like … I’m just like, I don’t want—nuh-uh. No.

K: I love em. I eat em—

C: Like I don’t wanna think about it; I don’t—

K: I do.

C: No. So like, that. Milk? Do you like milk?

K: No, I hate milk.

C: Okay. So my nightmare meal would be like, a plate of eggs—

K: (laughs) 

C: —really runny, and like I have to see the egg yolk—

K: Yes! 

C: Eww!

K: See, like I like eggs, but I don’t like—I like my yolks to be firm. 

C: Oh, god. I’m just—

K: I don’t like a runny egg.

C: —I’m honestly gagging.

K: When I see pictures of like the … you know, all the fancy food brands and their Instagrams, and they make runny scrambled eggs, I’m like, those eggs are not cooked! There’ll be just like a mound of very mushy, like—

C: Ugh.

K: I’m like, no thank you, no thank you. But I do—I do like my eggs. But they need to be (laughs) all the way cooked, like very firm. But yeah, so eggs, milk—that would be your nightmare meal?

C: Yeah. Tuna fish? Like canned tuna fish. Or, um—

K: Oh, (laughing) I love tuna also! 

C: —no, tuna salad? 

K: I love it! (laughs) 

C: With like mayonnaise—

K: I love it.

C: —and you’re like, put all that mayo—I’m just like, my god. 

K: It’s so good.

C: I literally will probably have to stop talking about this, cuz I’m startin to get—

K: Oh, it’s so delicious. That is like … again, as a kid growing up like poor or whatever, tuna sandwiches, that’s a really good poor person meal. Like get really—you got your protein in there; you got your carbs in there from the bread; you put some celery and some onion in there; you got your veg. 

C: (laughs) 

K: That’s like a well-rounded meal. (laughs) 

C: You got your dolphins.

K: (laughs) I mean … hey, it’s protein! 

C: (laughs) 

K: Like, it’s good. It’s all good to me. But that’s so funny. Yeah, I figured you probably didn’t like them, cuz I’m like—I know how I feel about them.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: So I’m like—I would eat eggs every day. Basically.

C: Oh, god. Don’t do that to me.

K: All different ways, like I’m super into it. I love a frittata; that’s like one of my favorite like—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —I’m very lazy, but I wanna feel like I actually did something for dinner. Like just throw all the vegetables in there; throw it into the oven. Simple.

C: Yeah. I … I mean, very very rarely—very rarely—

K: Mm-hmm.

C: —I’ll be like, an omelet sounds good.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: But it’s like, once every five years. Maybe.

K: (laughs) Okay. That is … alright. Yeah. You know what? You’re entitled to your opinions and tastes—

C: Thank you.

K: —and you don’t like eggs, and that’s fair.

C: I don’t! I don’t. I’m not an egg lady. 

K: I—I’ll eat the eggs. That’s fine. You don’t have to.

C: Alright.

K: (laughs) Yeah. That’s all I have.

C: Let’s end it on that before I throw up! 

K: (laughs) 

C: (laughs) Okay. Oh, yeah. I’m excited because … yeah. I wanna hear about what we’ve all been taking in this week. 

K: Mm-hmm.

C: So since I did that, you go first.

K: Okay. 

C: What have you been listening—

K: So, I mean—I told—mine was very silly, as I mentioned earlier. (laughs) It just came out on HBO Max yesterday, which was Friday. But I watched Space Jam 2. (laughs) 

C: I knew you ???—

K: Of course. Cuz I am who I am, obviously—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —I was like, well, I’m gonna watch it immediately when it’s available. And also, like I said, I didn’t feel super great last night—

C: Yeah.

K: So I was like, oh, this’ll be, you know, easy to watch. People are being very weird about it online, too, so I was like, I wanna see what it’s about. But yeah, it’s fine. Like it is exactly what you expect when you think of Space Jam. If you’re like, “Oh, I know Space Jam. I saw the first one.” Basically it’s the same thing. Just swap in LeBron for Michael Jordan and it’s (laughs) the same level of quality, like—

C: (laughs) 

K: It’s very weird. People are just like … I don’t know. People are very … really quick to be like, “It’s bad!” and they’re tearing it apart cuz it’s corporate, meh! And I’m like, that’s exactly what the first one was. Like—

C: This is not the Space Jam I thought it was going to be!

K: Exactly! I’m like, what are you talking about? The first one was all of the Warner IP in the movie with all of the athletes—you know, basketball players of the day. And also Bill Murray and—

C: (laughs) 

K: —what’s-his-face from Seinfeld, for some reason. Wayne Knight. Like (laughs) for those two guys also. So I was like, this is exactly the same movie, except swap out Bill Murray for Don Cheadle.

C: Mm.

K: Like, it’s the same thing. Except this movie has a little bit more of like … they try to make it more of a drama, because the whole reason LeBron has to do it is cuz his son got like … kidnapped into the—

C: (laughs) 

K: —it does not matter. None of the plot—it doesn’t—it’s not important at all. It’s basically just a way for them to get into this cartoon universe—

C: Sure.

K: —and then, you know. Whatever. It’s perfectly fine. If you have kids, watch this movie with them. It’s fine. Because ultimately that is what it is. It’s a kids’ movie. It’s not for adults, really.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: I mean, yeah, it’s an adult actor, LeBron James—athlete-slash-actor LeBron James—but that’s for the adults to enjoy. (laughs) You know what I mean?

C: Mm-hmm.

K: That’s sort of not—it’s not the purpose of it. But yeah, it’s—it’s very weird how people are like … the same people who like spent the last year re-watching Marvel movies and talkin about the Snyder cut and whatever. And now all of a sudden this IP is like … it’s too much. It’s like, no, it’s the thing.

C: Wait, what’s IP? 

K: Like intellectual property, you know? Where they’re like—

C: Oh. Sorry, I’m not down with the lingo. (laughs) 

K: No. (laughs) I mean, it’s fine. You honestly shouldn’t know that. I shouldn’t know it either. But like it’s basically people are complaining because there’s too many different, new—different Warner characters and they’re like, oh, they’re just putting the IP so they can make money. I’m like … do you guys understand how movies work? (laughs) 

C: Right.

K: Like that’s—that’s the point of movies. Especially … all animated movies are like IPs so you’ll buy stuff. That’s the whole point. So you’ll buy it for your kids. Like that’s … that’s what we do here. (laughs) You know what I mean?

C: Yeah.

K: People are acting like this is some kind of abomination that’s new and we’ve never seen it before. I’m like, this is every animated movie. There’s no reason any animated movie has to have any kinda famous person in it, cuz it’s for kids. They don’t know those actors. It doesn’t matter—obviously LeBron is different, cuz he’s like—kids do know him. But if you’re talking about an animated movie where it’s voice actors, there’s no reason that you need to have Anne Hathaway or Rihanna or—you know what I mean?

C: Mm-hmm.

K: That’s not for the kids. Right? The whole point is to make money and to get the adults interested and stuff. I don’t know. People are being weird about it, but I thought it was—

C: LeBron is murdered in the movie, though.

K: (laughs) Can you imagine if he signed on for that? To be like, yes. Me, LeBron James. I’m going to—yeah.

C: I’m gonna get murdered by a cartoon. 

K: Exactly.

C: Space Jam 2 gets dark.

K: Yeah. It go[es]—but also when you think about Space Jam 1, it’s pretty dark too. I mean … R. Kelly does the main song, so (laughs) I mean—

C: Yeah. 

K: That’s already a knock against it. But—

C: Do they use it in the second one?

K: No. It’s not the song.

C: Okay.

K: There was a really actually interesting piece I read the other day about how Quad City DJ’s came to do the theme song for the original. 

C: Oh!

K: Cuz the original Space Jam song that’s like (vocalizing) “Welcome to the space jam—you know, if you know that song—

C: (laughs) 

K: It’s very—was a very (laughing) big deal in my house as a kid. But there was a really fun article about how they became the band that did that. Cuz they weren’t like a huge band. They had the one song.

C: “Whoot, There It Is.” 

K: Yes, exactly.

C: Did they do whoot or woomp? Cuz remember there was—

K: Yes. They did—

C: —”Whoot, There It Is” and there was “Whoomp! (There It Is).”

K: There were two. But yes. They did “Whoot, There It Is.” And I think they did the “Tootsee Roll” song. 

C: Oh. Yeah. 

K: Yeah. So like they had—

C: Oh! (vocalizing) “Come on ride the train

K: Yes! (vocalizing) “Ride it”

C: (vocalizing) “Ride it! Woo! Woo!”

K: Oh, that was a—man, if you were in middle school—

C: That’s like, junior high dance—yes.

K: —when that song was out? That was a huge moment. But yeah, so they had those—that album, and then they were like, this is a big band! Right now. Like let’s get them to do this Space Jam song, and it’s like, what? But it’s very funny. I think it’s from The Ringer—that did that article—but it was very cool to read that.

C: Okay.

K: But yeah, it’s—Space Jam; it’s fine. Like it’s for children— 

C: Yeah.

K: —and you don’t need to like … I think that’s partially the problem, is that adults wanna take all media and filter it through this media sort of criticism thing, and it’s like, it’s not for you. (laughs) 

C: Right.

K: Like it’s not for you. It’s fine. But yeah, so I watched that. And it was very funny and silly, and it was fine. And I liked it cuz I got to see some of the basketball players that I don’t get to see anymore cuz they’re not playing (laughs)

C: Mm.

K: —cuz it’s the finals, and no one—only two teams are still playing. Yeah. It was—it was a good movie, and it’s like, it’s fine. It’s exactly what you would want to see in the summertime, when it’s like—

C: Okay. Well, I probably won’t be watching it. (laughs) 

K: No, I mean if you’re not a sports person, I don’t—or you don’t have kids—I don’t see why you would. 

C: Right. (laughs) 

K: But I think everyone being weird about it online needs to stop (laughing) being weird about it. 

C: Yeah.

K: Like it’s just a movie. It’s fine.

C: Yeah. That sounds annoying.

K: Yeah.

C: Okay, so what I really liked is completely (laughs) the opposite vibe—

K: Ooh, I’m glad.

C: —from what Space Jam 2 is.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: So I was late to this. I watched—yesterday I binged it, and it had been on my to-watch list, but it’s on Netflix and—

K: Mm-hmm. 

C: —my TV sucks. I have an LG TV. Never get an LG TV. But then also we burned—I think I told you we burned our TV. By accident; not on purpose. 

K: (laughing) Oh yeah, right.

C: We did not intentionally burn our TV, but we did. I won’t get into that. But—

K: (laughs) 

C: —anyhoo, it’s hard for me to watch stuff on Netflix. Cuz I have to like … it’ll stop playing, and it’ll be loading, and so—

K: Mm.

C: —I have to press back on my remote, and then play. And so it’s like an interactive TV-watching experience, so … 

K: (laughs) 

C: But I watched—and I don’t know if you’ve seen this, but it’s gotten a lot of good reviews—High on the Hog

K: Oh yeah! On—mm-hmm.

C: —How African American Cuisine Transformed America.

K: Yeah.

C: It’s … five episodes, I wanna say?

K: Mm-hmm.

C: Have you seen it?

K: No, I haven’t. 

C: Okay.

K: But I saw a lot about it on Instagram, because I think the writer, the main guy in it, is like very—

C: Stephen Satterfield?

K: Yeah, he’s like a big food person, and—yeah.

C: He—yeah. Yeah. Stephen Satterfield hosted—although I guess it was written—there’s a book called High on the Hog

K: Mm!

C: —written by—oh, god. I cannot remember her first name. I—if it was Laura. I’m sorry. Dr. Harris? Jessica Harris, I think?

K: Jessica B. Harris.

C: Which I now really wanna read. 

K: Hmm.

C: So it’s these five episodes of how … I mean, it hit all of the boxes of things that I love. It’s like—number one, I love food. High on the Hog, Jessica B. Harris.

K: Yeah.

C: And Maya Angelou! Okay! Anyway, yeah it’s like the history of food in america; the history basically of how we’ve gotten our food—

K: Mm-hmm.

C: —and produced our food mostly through enslavement and the trans-Atlantic slave trade. So it’s not like the lightest of shows to watch. There’s some—

K: (laughs) I mean, that’s also common knowledge, right? That’s—yeah.

C: The thing is, though, I don’t think people … I don’t know how much of it is common knowledge. 

K: That’s true. Yeah. I—

C: I don’t think people think about it.

K: I wonder if as a Black person, maybe I’m like, obviously. You know? (laughs) 

C: Yeah. Right. We should probably specify, white people. 

K: (laughs) 

C: I don’t think a lot of it is ever discussed. They were talking about vegetables that we only have because they were brought over. 

K: Mm-hmm. 

C: Like okra—

K: Yep.

C: —and rice, and how Charleston essentially exists because of slavery.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: And rice, and why we have rice fields. I mean, it’s really fascinating; it’s really profound. He goes all over, so the first episode, he’s in Benin, in West Africa.

K: Mm!

C: That’s a really powerful episode. He’s … so this guy, Stephen Satterfield—I was not familiar with him prior to watching this.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: And I—it—full disclosure, I totally have a crush on him now.

K: (laughs) He’s very cute. Yeah.

C: And he’s very … (sighs) okay, I have some heaux thoughts. He’s very handsome—

K: (laughs) I mean, I just said he was cute. I—I’m not gonna go heaux—

C: I’ve got heaux thoughts. Because—

K: —with you, but we’ll see. (laughs) 

C: —he’s very handsome. He’s really soft-spoken and gentle.

K: You know what I just thought? Of like—

C: What?

K: —oh, maybe it reminded me of your crush on Tunde. I’m like, oh, maybe it makes sense that you’d also be into him as well.

C: (laughs) 

K: That you’d also be into Stephen Satterfield.

C: Do I have a type? Ugh, maybe! 

K: Similar types! I can see it. (laughs) 

C: I do—and, okay so let me tell you about this one scene. So, I also have to say that even though they’re—he’s going all over, so he’s in Benin; he’s in—he goes to Texas; he goes to Charleston, South Carolina.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: He is … and goes to like the Sea Islands in South Carolina, where Gullah culture is-

K: Mm-hmm.

C: —which I find so fascinating. I’m so interested in Gullah culture. There’s a lot of really cool fictional works about Gullah culture that I love.

K: I only know like … what always comes to mind for me—and this is only because I have a sister who’s like five years younger. But the show on Nickelodeon, Gullah Gullah Island, which was like—

C: Oh, see, I don’t know that! 

K: It was—yeah, it was a show for kids.

C: Oh, wait! Yeah, okay.

K: And it was like, on in the 90’s and it was basically about that. It was about like Black culture from that area, and it was all these little Black kids, and the Black—it was like the older lady and the older man, and they would have all these songs and stuff. It was basically in the era of Barney, like remember—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —that was big? It was kind of similar. Cuz there was a big … I think it was like a frog? (laughs) I don’t know what kinda animal it was supposed to be. 

C: Yeah.

K: But it was like a big, you know, animal, and it taught the kids about like … you know. You know how those shows are.

C: Yeah.

K: Like they have a lesson, and everyone learns something, and then there’s some songs. Yeah.

C: That’s super cool. 

K: It was a—that’s the one I remember most from—about Gullah culture. But (laughing) obviously it’s cuz I have a sister who’s like—was into it.

C: Well there’s a novella out, Ring Shout. Did you read that? 

K: Nuh-uh.

C: That got some—okay. So it’s by this author called P. Djèlí—D-J-E-L-I—Clark.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: And he has become one of my favorite authors. I’ve read most of his work. It’s all speculative fiction. I think he’s—I wanna say he’s a historian. So he will—and it’s always Black characters.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: He generally writes with Black women protagonists—

K: Hmm.

C: —in really interesting time[s], places. It’ll be like Egypt, and because it’s speculative fiction it’ll be, you know, a different … a different kind of timeline with Egypt—

K: Like ???—- 

C: —and there’s gems everywhere.

K: —history stuff, like where a certain thing didn’t happen or did happen?

C: Right.

K: Okay. Cool.

C: Right. And then also, kind of like, you know, he’ll have supernatural stuff, and—

K: Oh, fun! 

C: —he did the novella Ring Shout, which is all about Gullah culture, and is—

K: Mm-hmm.

C: I highly recommend that novella. 

K: That sounds good.

C: It is creepy and interesting and fun.

K: I’m gonna put it on my list.

C: Yeah. Do that! So anyway, my quick heaux thoughts on Stephen Satterfield. 

K: (laughs) Yes. Back to that. Important.

C: Because I was watching it and then I was like, I wanna learn more about him.

K: Mm.

C: And this is so funny, because I say that—heaux thoughts—because I’m not obviously the only one to think this, because if you google him—

K: I mean, I saw a picture of him. So I get it. (laughs) Yeah.

C: Yes. Well, the first thing if you google his name, as I did—one of the first related searches is “Stephen Satterfield wife.” 

K: (laughs) 

C: So everyone watchin that was like, hmm! Is he available?

K: Yeah. We need to know. (laughs) 

C: Okay. So one scene … I was like, this—honestly, I was crying watching it. He cries in the first episode. As I’ve mentioned, I love a man who cries. I love a tender-hearted person.

K: (laughs) Mm-hmm.

C: So he—and he—the way he is with Black women, I … I feel like he is so present in their—

K: Mm-hmm.

C: —in their experience that I was like, I … I love you. 

K: (laughs) 

C: And he is talking to this woman … oh, god. I’m sorry, I forgot her name. But she does a blog, and it’s called “Black Girl Baking.” I wanna say her name is Jerrelle Guy. I think.

K: Mkay.

C: And she was talking about how, through her baking … this is like her safe space to be creative, and that as a Black woman, you know, a lot of Black women don’t get that—Jerrelle Guy. Yeah. Okay. That they don’t have that opportunity to have a safe space to be creative, and that there’s all these expectations of who they can be and who they can’t be, and he’s just like listening to her and clearly just like present with her, and she talks about how baking is a form of freedom for her.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: He goes—and this line, I was like, oh my god. So she’s talking about baking these cakes, and she’s crying. Like she’s trying—I mean, it’s very profound, and he goes, “I can’t wait to taste the iterations of your freedom.”

K: (laughs) And that’s when you melted, yeah.

C: Panties dropped to the floor. Yeah.

K: Uh-huh. Oh my gosh.

C: “I can’t wait to taste the iterations of your freedom.”

K: You know what? That’s one of those lines that like, if anybody else said it, you’d be like, get outta here. But like for some people—

C: Exactly! You’re like, what? The way that he does it, it’s like … 

K: Mm-hmm.

C: Oh—I’m like, gonna cry right now.

K: Yeah.

C: Cuz he meant it! He—it was sincere. 

K: You’re like, me too! I also can’t wait for you to taste it. Yeah. (laughs) 

C: Yeah. And just like, I mean it goes over so much and … (sighs). It was just so good, so High on the Hog. It’s on Netflix. I loved it. I learned—

K: Yeah.

C: —so much, and it was just really interesting. Like if you’re at all interested in food … and just anything, honestly. It just covers so much. And it was not—even though it does go over very heavy material, it’s also very uplifting, I would say.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: And not in like a cheesy way. This is … you know, not like Lifetime uplifting, but—

K: Right.

C: —genuinely uplifting.

K: Mm-hmm.

So I highly recommend that.

K: Yeah. It was very—I remember when it had premiered on Netflix, it was big on—like people were talking about it a lot on social media.

C: Mm-hmm.

K: And I was like, oh I’m gonna check that out! And I just never—you know how it is.

C: Yeah.

K: Like the next thing comes up and then that becomes a topic of conversation and you kind of forget about the other stuff. But yeah, no, I heard nothing but good things about it—

C: Yeah.

K: —especially from my friends who are peop[le]—like food people—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —which like … I am a person who eats food (laughs)

C: (laughs) 

K: —but I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a food person. And they were all like yeah, it’s like really incredible. Are the episodes like an hour, or are they thirty minutes?

C: I think they’re …

K: I always just wonder because I’m like, oh I—

C: … forty-five?

K: Oh, okay, yeah. So it’s basically the Netflix length.

C: Maybe. I mean, they might be a little longer. I really … I don’t know, cuz I binged it, so it was just like on.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: So … sorry.

K: Yeah, and if it’s like five episodes, it’s not anything. That’s super quick to get through. One thing that’s interesting that you mentioned about rice … it’s so true, because again, I think certain cultures have different connections to rice, but like, as someone who A) is from Central California, where there’s a lotta Latinx people, obviously rice is a huge deal. But then also, my family is all Southern, all from the South, and you don’t go into either of my grandparents’ homes and like, one of the things you’re gonna find is a lot of rice. If you go in my grandmother’s refrigerator, she probably has a giant bowl of rice that she uses all week or couple—every other day, (laughing) she’ll make a giant pot of rice, and I’m just like—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —who’s eating this? But it’s like, oh right! She puts it in everything. 

C: Yeah.

K: So it’s like, it makes sense. But you just don’t really think about it … I mean, you know that it’s there. But you don’t think deeply about it, I think, until … you know. You see a thing like this and you’re like, oh right! There had to be a reason that this developed the way it is, because like all my grandparents are from different Southern states, but they all have this connection to it. 

C: Mm-hmm.

K: It’s like it must be something larger, you know? Yeah, that sounds really good. I definitely wanna check that out. For sure. 

C: Yeah. And I really wanna read the book, High on the Hog.

K: Mm-hmm.

C: By Jessica Harris. Yeah. Cuz there was so—and when he’s meeting with her—he’s meeting with her in Benin, and he’s like, this woman is a legend to me. 

K: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

C: Just like … the way he was talking about the women in the show … just completely endeared me.

K: So did you ever find out if he has a wife? 

C: He does not have a wife—

K: Mm!

C: —but he does have a girlfriend named Gabriela.

K: Dangit! 

C: Who has a private Instagram account, cuz I checked. 

K: Good for you. Good for you, Ste[phen]—(laughs)

C: (laughs) 

K: That’s so funny. I mean, I—you know what? I’m not gonna laugh at that, because I have been known to do the same. 

C: (laughs) 

K: When you see a famous—or a person that you follow, however they’re prominent, and you’re like, they are always tagging the same person—

C: Mm-hmm.

K: —and they’re always in their photos, and you’re like, lemme check this out.

C: Yeah.

K: And then they have a private Instagram, that’s their girlfriend. Obviously.

C: Right. Yeah.

K: (laughing) Like obviously they don’t wanna be bothered—

C: (laughs) Right.

K: —by these people who are like, looking into their partner. That’s really funny. No, yeah. I definitely am gonna check that out.

C: Yeah.

K: And I always love—I love a show like that, that’s like an anthology that’s like, oh, we’re gonna teach you something. But I love when there’s like, only four episodes—

C: Yes.

K: —or five episodes. I’m like, good. Yes. I will definitely watch it.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

K: So if you’re like, ten, I’m like, no, that’s too much. (laughs) 

C: Right.

K: No one’s gonna be in for that much. Unless it’s about like … music, and you kind of like tie in the nostalgia kind of thing, but otherwise you have to really justify having too many episodes. That’s cool! I’m gonna check that out, for sure. My other thing I have been listening to and watching—mostly listening to—this band I like, this emo band called Pet Symmetry, they have a new single out called “Pet Sympathy.” It just came out on … Friday? Thursday? When do they release new music? I don’t know how they do it anymore.

C: Tuesday? I don’t know.

K: They don’t—I don’t think they do it on Tuesdays anymore. I think it’s like Fridays now. So I think it came out yesterday. 

C: Okay.

K: But it’s really good, and I’m super excited because that means they’re probably gonna have a new album, which means I probably will maybe—I don’t know how touring is gonna go (laughs)

C: Right. 

K: —or if tours will happen. But I will be very excited to see them on tour, because they’re one of those bands that I got into like … you know sometimes you find out about bands and you find about them like right as they’re breaking up? 

C: (laughs) 

K: Or right as they’re going on like a huge hiatus or whatever and you’re like, man, why the timing?

C: That’s always me.

K: I know! It’s so bad! But also this band had that, like they had two albums and then they kind of took a hiatus because of some—

C: Drama?

K: —some Me Too stuff that—

C: Ohh.

K: —was not directly related to them, but one of their members had been in a band with another guy who was—

C: Oh.

K: —kind of crappy, and they were like, why did you … that’s not cool—

C: Right.

K: —that you were cool with that guy, so they kind of had a little bit of a hiatus, and then they started doing stuff again in the pandemic, during the pandemic. And so now I think they’ve recorded a whole new album, and this is their first single from it. It’s very interesting, cuz they play very much like … I would say their songs are not necessarily as emo as much they are … more pop-punky, kind of? And they—the main guy—well, not main guy. There’s three guys in the band, and one of the guys is a guy named Evan Weiss, who’s like a big deal in the emo … space, I guess. (laughs) He has that band, Pet Symmetry, but he also has a solo band. Well, not solo, but it’s his band with rotating members called Into It. Over It that had—I talked about their album Figure that came out a couple months ago—probably my favorite album of 2020. And then also he has another band called Their/They’re/There, with the three different spellings of “there”—

C: Mm.

K: —with another big deal emo guy, Mike Kinsella from the band american football, and like … he’s just a big deal emo person, and so this is one of his many (laughs) side projects, and I—it’s the most high-energy of all of them, and I kind of love that. It’s very fun. And the guys in the band are always doing coordinated outfits, like they’re always … I love a silly thing like that, where they’re all like, yeah, we’re all gonna wear the same thing on stage, or all the time, and it’s just very cute to me. So that’s probably gonna happen; they’re probably gonna have a new album soon, which I hope if touring is safe, that I’ll get to see them, cuz it’ll be the first time I’ll get to see them even though they’ve been a band for like a decade. (laughs) Cuz that’s how I am. I just have terrible timing with bands. But yeah, that’s what I’ve been listening to. Pet Symmetry’s new song “Pet Sympathy.” It’s very … it’s not as pop-punky as their other stuff. It’s a little bit loungey; there’s like bongos in it and stuff.

C: Mm.

K: It’s an interesting—it’s a fun little like, put this on, kind of background if you want something to put on when you’re washing dishes or whatever. 

C: Yeah.

K: Very good! But yeah, that’s what I’ve been listening to this week.

C: Awesome. 

K: Yeah!

C: Well … 

K: Did we do it? We did it?

C: We did it!

K: Yes.

C: Another incredible episode.

K: (laughs) 

C: Wow!

K: Someone … one of our IRS people said that at the end of the last episode, when we were like, “god, we’re good”—

C: Mm.

K: —that that really worked for them, and I’m like, you know what? We are good! (laughs) So I’m like, that—we should say that every—I mean, we shouldn’t say that every episode—

C: Why not?

K: —but I think it kind of goes along with the “everything is fine” kinda feeling, of like—

C: Yeah.

K: —you know what? We’re doin it! We are doin it. And everything is fine; we are good at this. 

C: We’re doin it and doin it and doin it well. Any other last thoughts? Oh, I guess follow us on our media, right? 

K: Yeah, follow us on—

C: Two Cents Plus Tax if you feel like it. Please do.

K: (laughs) If you feel like it. Yes. We’re not gonna pressure you, obviously. I mean we would appreciate it, but you know.

C: I would. I’d appreciate also the … the  Patreon support—

K: Mm. Mm-hmm.

C: —so we can get that private jet and go to Greece—

K: We’re not getting a private jet. 

C: Goin to Iceland.

K: We’re gonna discuss this offline. We’re doing this offline; we’re not gonna get a private jet. 

C: (laughs) 

K: But yeah. Definitely if you can support, we would very much appreciate it. You know, send us some messages on Twitter; on Instagram. Follow us.

C: Share the episode!

K: Yeah! Definitely. 

C: Share it!

K: I’ve seen that a lot more, which I am appreciating. 

C: I love to see it. I really really love to see it.

K: Yeah. Yeah yeah.

C: So thank you. Thank you thank you.

K: Cool!

C: Okay, well, remember. Everything’s gonna be fine.

K: Everything’s gonna be fine.

C: Toshio?

K: (laughing) Any … you wanna add—

T: Everything is going to be fine.

C: (laughs)

K: Yeah. Now it’s really real. Now it’s really true. (laughs) 

C: Yeah! It’s the power of the three!

K: Exactly. (laughs) 

C: We said it, and so it shall be. Okay! Well, until next time. We will see you then. Or no, we won’t! (laughs) 

K: We’ll—you’ll hear us then. Yeah. (laughs) 

C: You will hear us; we will not see you.

K: Yeah. Yep yep.

C: Oh my god. Okay. Bye!

K: Bye!

(theme song plays)